When I was a kid in the late 90's, I was a HUGE PlayStation nerd. I was with it with Crash Bandicoot, Spyro, Final Fantasy, you name it! I wasn't a big fan of any of the platform's offerings concerning racing, though, like CTR or Disney Magical Race Tour.....until I played Speed Punks, that is.
For my 15th birthday in 2001, I was gifted the game by my granddad. At first, when I opened it up, I was a bit confused. He and I often liked to play PS1 games together whenever he came over to our place, and he knew what I liked and didn't like. He seemed to sense my bewilderment, though, and replied to it with, "I hand picked this one especially for you. I know it may not seem like much, but this one'll stick to ya. Trust me." I nodded and took his word. After the party that night, I popped in the disc in. I was ''blown away ''by how ''vibrant ''this game was, and how much ''personality ''was in it! A rebellious, kleptomaniac teen in goggles, a not-so-dynamic duo of bullies who beat up each other ''constantly'' (even in the podium animations!), a crazed Japanese exchange student with killer headgear--the list went on!
One evening, after a long day of work, I showered and got ready for some four-wheel speed action. The FunCom logo was hilarious as always, with Buster and Wedgie (the bullies I mentioned earlier) riding their kart around before Buster bumped into the FunCom logo and dropped Wedgie. Wedgie shook his head, and got up on his feet. He looked around for a bit, before running to catch up with his cohort. Just before he ran off screen, the screen glitched and froze red. Wedgie's foot also was displaced two inches farther than it should have been from his body (keep in mind all of the characters from SP are limbless a la Rayman).
I was already a bit concerned. This was my favorite PS1 game, and seeing it mess up like this worried me, for I did not want to have to shell out money from my already dwindling funds. I got up and checked the disc. It wasn't dirty, nor did it have many scratches, and the scratches that were on there never caused any problems in the past. I put it back in and restarted the console. This time, everything went well, the same logo played out as usual with no interference as did the intro, with a twist, though.
Instead of showing Monica, resident boy-hater of the Speed Punks gang, driving out of the School for Young Ladies, it showed Buster and Wedgie in their garage. I could feel a small tingle of giddyness within me as Buster grabbed a cigarette from out of his pants and lit a lighter. Wedgie watched in anticipation as Buster moved the lighter and cigarette behind his bum and let out a loud and obnoxious fart. Wedgie giggled as Buster took a puff on his flatulence-ignited smoke and shoved Wedgie to the side. I was grinning ear to ear--while definitely crude, this was totally in character for the pair, and something I had never seen before--had I fulfilled a certain unknown requirement to trigger this?
After this, it cut to Monty and his dog Cosworth going out for a drive, and Cosworth was trying to get a hold of the steering wheel. Monty grunted and swatted away at his grubby paws, arousing a loud series of barks from Cosworth, right before he was pushed back and the control shifted to the canine. Cosworth swerved around corners and almost hit a mailbox before closing in on a brick wall. Monty screamed before the scene changed again.
Tempest was, presumably, in his house, with another character. He was smaller, had orange-ish hair in a neat comb-over. Tempest was sawing at something unseen to us, while the other character (his brother, perhaps?) quivered in fear. Tempest ceased his sawing and carried with him a dead rat and a wooden stake. Also giving him a hammer, he directed the orange-haired kid to beat the stake into the rat's heart. Orange-hair understandably refused, angering the psychotic rebel. Tempest ran and claimed his saw and closed in on the youngster, who was shaking and had even ''pissed ''himself, before the intro...ended, fading to black.
I was thoroughly enjoying this. Demented as it was, it was nevertheless accurate to the tone of the game--off the walls and peppered with bits of suggestive humor. A loading screen showed up, and when it finished I was brought to the main menu. I selected ''Tournament ''and scrolled around the character select screen to see if anything had changed--I wanted to see if that orange-haired fellow would show up.
As I shifted around the characters, I saw subtle differences in six of them :
* Tabitha was gnawing at her stuffed bear, and trying to pry out one of its springs with a fork, before going back to gnawing. If you picked her, she got up and glared at you while aiming her fork at you. Should you confirm her, she threw the fork up in air and it stuck in the ceiling. If you didn't...she plunged her fork into the wall and dragged it down, shredding the wood.
* Buster and Wedgie were fighting, but instead of Buster rattling Wedgie before Wedgie headbutt him, Buster was now holding Wedgie beneath him and strangling him, until Wedgie pulled his ear. Confirming them lead Wedgie to flip from Buster's grasp and share a high five with the big boy. Dejecting them caused Buster to fist Wedgie's eye.
* Tetsuo was practicing with a katana on a tree holding a small platform, which he was on. When he wasn't confirmed for play he angrily slid back with his zipline and stabbed the tree, before regaining his composure and continuing with his training.
* Cosworth was chained to the wall with a standard doggy chain, growling. When selected, he snarled at the camera. When confirmed, he howled a long howl, and when declined, he barked madly before Monty threw a book at him.
* Beemer was at his charging station, except he often sparked and twitched, not to mention his optical visor was cracked. When selected he groggily powered on and with a weak posture leaning to his right looked at the camera. When confirmed he weakly pumped his fist, and when rejected he violently shuddered and sparked, making beeping noises as he did.
* Tempest was the most normal out of the six. He preformed all his animations right...but there was a box beside him, and it had something in it. That something was large, almost his size, and wrapped in, what, toilet paper or some other wrap, maybe?
That last one was what kinda got me uneasy. Nevertheless, Tempest was the one I chose, for I knew that perhaps, if the game changed even more, he'd produce great results. "Alright, GOOD!" he said, playing his guitar like a saw. I opted to make my own league using the 'Custom League' feature, and began the tournament.